My change in the world

You know, I want to make a change in the world. I’m sure it can’t be done overnight, but I want to make sure nobody has to go through such pain, lonesome or suffering as me or anybody. I don’t know what that change is yet, or how I’ll make that change but I’ll make it, even in death should it come to it, I’ll just have to find someone to inherit it too.

weather that be my son or daughter, they will find that change and make the world okay again, or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. maybe it’s not a change in the world we need, but a change in who we all are as a person, as a race. There is a change out there which needs to be made and I’ll be the one to find it, that’s Just a dream anyway.

 For now I’m forced to live out the days of a man learning to live in almost lonesome. if you could even call me a man,that is. that’s an insult to the very word man isn’t it? Referring so many people to someone like me? 

“Just a toad in an ocean of frogs who knows nothing about the outside world

 I always use to say: “if you have a dream, don’t wait! Act!” But how can you act upon something you know nothing about? All these answers and more I hope to find one day. But that’s just a dream, like I said for now I’m forced to live out something which I’m not at all content with. 

But it’s a way of life I’m forced to become accompanied to should I want to stay positive. I don’t even know what I’m truly on about, it’s just meaningless babbling, trying to hide the fact that all I really, truly want is to be accepted and to have people who care for me. Like naruto did, funny how you can relate to someone fictional on such a high level. 

Today’s verdict

To be honest I just wanted to post, after my bath I’m happy to say I’ve  cheered up a bit and haven’t been down tonight since. Although I have started to feel really lonely not only today but a lot in the past few weeks, it feels like I have no one I can really turn to. Especially from leaving school.

Hopefully this blog will help me make new friends and people who can be there for me,who knows. If not I’ll have to wait till collage. I hope you all had a good day, hopefully I’ll sleep better than yesterday, stay strong guys!

Repeating cycle

I’m Fed up of this now, it’s beyond a joke. When I explain I’m sure some people will connect. Im in a repeating cycle at the moment. I have been bed ridden BY CHOICE because I honestly feel like I have no motivation.

It’s not like I don’t want to do anything, it’s the opposite. I want to but I just find myself not willing or wanting to get up and do it. I’m lacking motivation I guess. Whenever I tell this to people who don’t understand they simply tell me “don’t be down, get up and do something!”. As if it was that easy.

It’s got to the point where I don’t even want to sleep or wake up anymore because I know it’ll just be the same, this same cycle. I want to just start collage and get a job so I can properly start my life.

This month will be so slow and boring for me, apart from my collage interview. I need August to hurry up so I can get my results and actually properly start my life. For now: looks like I’ll have to put up with this. I’m going to go for that bath now and have a cup of tea after, maybe that’ll cheer me up.

Any advice on how to motivate myself would be much appreciated.