Long time no blog

It’s been way too long, way too long. In truth I’ve been meaning to write this post or even a post in the longest time. I’m back now though, and as ever better than before. Originally I was gone for a solid three weeks due to my phone breaking and there being nothing going on in my life, man how stuff changes!

The biggest change in life has been the amount of interviews I’ve been getting. Now I have never been an achiever in school but I’ve always tried and gave my all. Determination is better than any piece of paper with grades. What you have mentally is stronger than what you have thunder mentally. Only you can win this fight only you can do what you have to do.

“Anyway I have my own responsibilitie now, I can not fail!”

So yeah a lot has changed, but what’s new for you guys? Will read my missed followed blogs, I look forward to speaking to you all again! And once again I’m back!

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It’s always the same.

Something’s never change, that’s a fact. However much good I try to do for other people, however much I try to be there for people, however much I try to CARE for other people its always the same. In that I never even get the tiniest gratitude for my efforts in all that I do. But you know what’s hit me the hardest? when im in a shitty mood and nobody even wants to give me the time of day. That’s not my problem. It’s when those people who said they will be there for you are those people who aren’t living up to the mark. I get that they have they have their own lives and potentially their own problems, but don’t say something you can’t stick to. These are the people who at a moment’s notice ill jump at the opportunity to help anyone, regardless how dire my own situation is. It would be easy to just become like everyone else, no disregard for anyone but myself, but that’s not me and it never will be. Because in helping others, I self contentiously help myself. I suppose that is my reward, its not a lot in a sense of helping me in my time of need, but it helps me to be there person I am now and am becoming. Maybe one day people will appreciate me for what I do and give as much as they take, maybe.

Self harm//expanding on Naruto

Okay so I’ve been talking about “what Naruto has taught me” a lot recently and I realised: I never really back it up with evidence: so here we go😊Also this is kind of irrelevant but through account surfing I saw in a lot of bio’s how long people have/had been clean and I thought I’d share mine. I’ve been clean for a massive year and a quarter! It will be two years this September 😊to say I’m proud of my selfs an understatement, but you should be proud too! Weather it’s an hour, day, month or year! It’s all time you’ve managed to resist temptation and a victory worth celebrating.

Fighting a losing battle

It’s as soon as people see how bad we have become from fighting these losing battles they want to know you, by then you’ve already learned to be your own cheering crowd. What I mean by a “losing battle” is in a sense of a metaphor, in a sense of how ever better we manger to convince ourself we are becoming, that foreboding, looming fear that it will go back to how it was remains, and that’s a factor anyone who suffers similarly to me will understand. And it’s always the same. I won’t sugar coat it for anyone, what would be the point. It would only lead to disappointment when finding out the harsh reality.

A place to call home

“A place to call home”, a very vague figure of speech. It probably has different meanings for different people. But for me: it means a place where you feel truly safe and cared for. I don’t just mean in a sense of “home invasion”.

For example, when I’m at my girlfriends, all my worries just go away. Her company plus her stupid dog whom I love to pieces make everything seem okay for a while. Then I have to go back to reality. It’s 03:36 upon writing this, I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while now actually.  I suppose her house is a “home away from home”, I’ll finish with this quote from Jirya, enjoy

Happy few days

I’ve been having a really positive few days recently, I’ve been going out a lot and getting stuff I wanted too, I spoke to my doctor and he suggested to try to focus on and getting stuff done I need to, and he was right it’s helped, I’ve managed to get my ID photo taken and a few other bits and keeping doing stuff keeps me motivated, I know it sounds like a given but keeping moving and doing stuff helps me a lot.

I want to get back into this, ive missed everyone.

I have been gone for quite some time now, but I don’t want anyone to worry. In fact: this is the happiest ive been in the longest time. I have wanted to start this back up for the longest time. But I think I am back for good, if I am welcome back and all, hahah. Anyway I digress, I guess I should start by saying where ive been and what ive been up to, well: I am still in my relationship, seven months this month. Time truly does go by when your having fun, I haven’t had too many off days luckily, but every time I would, she’d pick me up again. I truly am blessed to have her.

I also have a job now! Nothing amazing but it pays half decently, to whomever is interested its at dominoes. It’s nothing glamorous, just preparing pizza and other foods. But, I think I may have found what I want to do in life from it, I think I want to do customer service. I love picking up the phone and taking orders or talking to them when the come in. I have always been good at and enjoyed talking to people, ive been praised by 2/3 of my mangers for my customer service skills, I guess im doing something right.

Unfortunately ive hated college still, yeah I bet you knew it was all going too well, I have also been experiencing a lot of loneliness still, its horrible in truth. I have few friends these days but the one I do, I hold dear and I appreciate them. I wish people who I use to be close with was still there, but they gave up on me.

Anyway I think that’ll be all for tonight and this post, ill be sure to post a lot more from now on, I remember how good it made me feel knowing I could come here and talk about all my problems. I hope you missed me as much as I, but I ask of one favourite from any of you. I would love to get to know some if not all of you personally. Then we can all support each other. I will write a “what ……… has taught me” post soon, till then: I am glad to be back.

My change in the world

You know, I want to make a change in the world. I’m sure it can’t be done overnight, but I want to make sure nobody has to go through such pain, lonesome or suffering as me or anybody. I don’t know what that change is yet, or how I’ll make that change but I’ll make it, even in death should it come to it, I’ll just have to find someone to inherit it too.

weather that be my son or daughter, they will find that change and make the world okay again, or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. maybe it’s not a change in the world we need, but a change in who we all are as a person, as a race. There is a change out there which needs to be made and I’ll be the one to find it, that’s Just a dream anyway.

 For now I’m forced to live out the days of a man learning to live in almost lonesome. if you could even call me a man,that is. that’s an insult to the very word man isn’t it? Referring so many people to someone like me? 

“Just a toad in an ocean of frogs who knows nothing about the outside world

 I always use to say: “if you have a dream, don’t wait! Act!” But how can you act upon something you know nothing about? All these answers and more I hope to find one day. But that’s just a dream, like I said for now I’m forced to live out something which I’m not at all content with. 

But it’s a way of life I’m forced to become accompanied to should I want to stay positive. I don’t even know what I’m truly on about, it’s just meaningless babbling, trying to hide the fact that all I really, truly want is to be accepted and to have people who care for me. Like naruto did, funny how you can relate to someone fictional on such a high level. 

Today’s verdict

To be honest I just wanted to post, after my bath I’m happy to say I’ve  cheered up a bit and haven’t been down tonight since. Although I have started to feel really lonely not only today but a lot in the past few weeks, it feels like I have no one I can really turn to. Especially from leaving school.

Hopefully this blog will help me make new friends and people who can be there for me,who knows. If not I’ll have to wait till collage. I hope you all had a good day, hopefully I’ll sleep better than yesterday, stay strong guys!