I don’t know why but I’ve just started feeling down. No one is up to talk to, the few to none people I have left. Fuck.
I’m Fed up of this now, it’s beyond a joke. When I explain I’m sure some people will connect. Im in a repeating cycle at the moment. I have been bed ridden BY CHOICE because I honestly feel like I have no motivation.
It’s not like I don’t want to do anything, it’s the opposite. I want to but I just find myself not willing or wanting to get up and do it. I’m lacking motivation I guess. Whenever I tell this to people who don’t understand they simply tell me “don’t be down, get up and do something!”. As if it was that easy.
It’s got to the point where I don’t even want to sleep or wake up anymore because I know it’ll just be the same, this same cycle. I want to just start collage and get a job so I can properly start my life.
This month will be so slow and boring for me, apart from my collage interview. I need August to hurry up so I can get my results and actually properly start my life. For now: looks like I’ll have to put up with this. I’m going to go for that bath now and have a cup of tea after, maybe that’ll cheer me up.
Any advice on how to motivate myself would be much appreciated.
My sleeping patten has always been pretty erratic. I’ve had trouble sleep since I can remember. The time in the UK when I started writing this was 02:50 in the morning, currently my brother is up with me surfing the internet or doing what ever he might be doing.
I know I need to sleep, I just can’t though. weather that be down to my sleeping pattern? Who knows. I’m tired But I know trying to sleep would be pointless and futile. I hate feeling like this so late as no one is up,not that I have meany people to talk to anyway.
Collage and my future has been playing on my mind as well. I had my introduction day at collage yesterday, and after I got a subway which was so good 😋but on the main note I realised the course wasn’t for me, so my mum is going to call up tomorrow and try to sort out changing my course to a business one.
I want to make people proud but I’m afraid I may not be able to, I try my best but I’m worried it’s not good enough, ugh. I was proper happy a few hours ago after starting this and now all these thoughts are comming back. Guess it wouldn’t be true to the blog if I didn’t post how I was feeling.