Long time no blog

It’s been way too long, way too long. In truth I’ve been meaning to write this post or even a post in the longest time. I’m back now though, and as ever better than before. Originally I was gone for a solid three weeks due to my phone breaking and there being nothing going on in my life, man how stuff changes!

The biggest change in life has been the amount of interviews I’ve been getting. Now I have never been an achiever in school but I’ve always tried and gave my all. Determination is better than any piece of paper with grades. What you have mentally is stronger than what you have thunder mentally. Only you can win this fight only you can do what you have to do.

“Anyway I have my own responsibilitie now, I can not fail!”

So yeah a lot has changed, but what’s new for you guys? Will read my missed followed blogs, I look forward to speaking to you all again! And once again I’m back!

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It’s always the same.

Something’s never change, that’s a fact. However much good I try to do for other people, however much I try to be there for people, however much I try to CARE for other people its always the same. In that I never even get the tiniest gratitude for my efforts in all that I do. But you know what’s hit me the hardest? when im in a shitty mood and nobody even wants to give me the time of day. That’s not my problem. It’s when those people who said they will be there for you are those people who aren’t living up to the mark. I get that they have they have their own lives and potentially their own problems, but don’t say something you can’t stick to. These are the people who at a moment’s notice ill jump at the opportunity to help anyone, regardless how dire my own situation is. It would be easy to just become like everyone else, no disregard for anyone but myself, but that’s not me and it never will be. Because in helping others, I self contentiously help myself. I suppose that is my reward, its not a lot in a sense of helping me in my time of need, but it helps me to be there person I am now and am becoming. Maybe one day people will appreciate me for what I do and give as much as they take, maybe.

Self harm//expanding on Naruto

Okay so I’ve been talking about “what Naruto has taught me” a lot recently and I realised: I never really back it up with evidence: so here we go😊Also this is kind of irrelevant but through account surfing I saw in a lot of bio’s how long people have/had been clean and I thought I’d share mine. I’ve been clean for a massive year and a quarter! It will be two years this September 😊to say I’m proud of my selfs an understatement, but you should be proud too! Weather it’s an hour, day, month or year! It’s all time you’ve managed to resist temptation and a victory worth celebrating.

Fighting a losing battle

It’s as soon as people see how bad we have become from fighting these losing battles they want to know you, by then you’ve already learned to be your own cheering crowd. What I mean by a “losing battle” is in a sense of a metaphor, in a sense of how ever better we manger to convince ourself we are becoming, that foreboding, looming fear that it will go back to how it was remains, and that’s a factor anyone who suffers similarly to me will understand. And it’s always the same. I won’t sugar coat it for anyone, what would be the point. It would only lead to disappointment when finding out the harsh reality.

A place to call home

“A place to call home”, a very vague figure of speech. It probably has different meanings for different people. But for me: it means a place where you feel truly safe and cared for. I don’t just mean in a sense of “home invasion”.

For example, when I’m at my girlfriends, all my worries just go away. Her company plus her stupid dog whom I love to pieces make everything seem okay for a while. Then I have to go back to reality. It’s 03:36 upon writing this, I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while now actually.  I suppose her house is a “home away from home”, I’ll finish with this quote from Jirya, enjoy

Happy few days

I’ve been having a really positive few days recently, I’ve been going out a lot and getting stuff I wanted too, I spoke to my doctor and he suggested to try to focus on and getting stuff done I need to, and he was right it’s helped, I’ve managed to get my ID photo taken and a few other bits and keeping doing stuff keeps me motivated, I know it sounds like a given but keeping moving and doing stuff helps me a lot.

Temporary Friends

In the past year or two I’ve learned a lot, some by choice, some not. But one of the things which hit home the hardest is for sure friends. Now trust me when I say nothing is forever, especially with friends. It’s extremely hard to come across a “true friend” nower days. And don’t even get me started on those people who say ” they’ll always be there for you”, you know the ones. That can be a different post altogether.

In fact: the people of whom I speak of in this post are the same people I shared that unforgettable night with about five months back. It saddens me to remember those times, I thought they wasn’t going anywhere, oh how I was so wrong. 

Time don’t mean anything in a friendship, someone could come into your life tomorrow and have better intentions than someone you’ve known for years

It’s done a lot to me not being friends with them anymore, more bad than good. I’ve become a lot more sceptical of when someone says they want to be friends or when people start getting close to me. I start to question if their intentions are sensire or not. But I have new people, people to fill those voids now.

If there is anything to take away from this, it’s that you should try to be less dependent on friends. That way you save yourself the disappointment from when they inedibly leave you and give up on you, or maybe that was just my experience.

I want to get back into this, ive missed everyone.

I have been gone for quite some time now, but I don’t want anyone to worry. In fact: this is the happiest ive been in the longest time. I have wanted to start this back up for the longest time. But I think I am back for good, if I am welcome back and all, hahah. Anyway I digress, I guess I should start by saying where ive been and what ive been up to, well: I am still in my relationship, seven months this month. Time truly does go by when your having fun, I haven’t had too many off days luckily, but every time I would, she’d pick me up again. I truly am blessed to have her.

I also have a job now! Nothing amazing but it pays half decently, to whomever is interested its at dominoes. It’s nothing glamorous, just preparing pizza and other foods. But, I think I may have found what I want to do in life from it, I think I want to do customer service. I love picking up the phone and taking orders or talking to them when the come in. I have always been good at and enjoyed talking to people, ive been praised by 2/3 of my mangers for my customer service skills, I guess im doing something right.

Unfortunately ive hated college still, yeah I bet you knew it was all going too well, I have also been experiencing a lot of loneliness still, its horrible in truth. I have few friends these days but the one I do, I hold dear and I appreciate them. I wish people who I use to be close with was still there, but they gave up on me.

Anyway I think that’ll be all for tonight and this post, ill be sure to post a lot more from now on, I remember how good it made me feel knowing I could come here and talk about all my problems. I hope you missed me as much as I, but I ask of one favourite from any of you. I would love to get to know some if not all of you personally. Then we can all support each other. I will write a “what ……… has taught me” post soon, till then: I am glad to be back.

Struggling to find motivation

Motivation can be hard to find. It’s easy to say “find it in something you love” but in truth I struggle to find what it is of which I love (not including family and my girlfriend). I have been hit with a fair bit of coursework recently, I want to do it and do well but recently I really really have been lacking motivation.

My girlfriend, bless her, is always trying her best to help me and cheer me up but there is only so much she can do. I know I need to do it but I just don’t have the effort or motivation.

And even when I do seem to find any: it’s only momentarily. This means I either rush whatever it is I’m doing whilst I’m motivated and happy or just say I’m going to do it then put it off.

Do any of you guys have any solutions to this or can relate? If so comment down below. I know I need to keep posting more but I really don’t do a whole lot to be honest.