It’s as soon as people see how bad we have become from fighting these losing battles they want to know you, by then you’ve already learned to be your own cheering crowd. What I mean by a “losing battle” is in a sense of a metaphor, in a sense of how ever better we manger to convince ourself we are becoming, that foreboding, looming fear that it will go back to how it was remains, and that’s a factor anyone who suffers similarly to me will understand. And it’s always the same. I won’t sugar coat it for anyone, what would be the point. It would only lead to disappointment when finding out the harsh reality.
I don’t know why but I’ve just started feeling down. No one is up to talk to, the few to none people I have left. Fuck.
To be honest I just wanted to post, after my bath I’m happy to say I’ve cheered up a bit and haven’t been down tonight since. Although I have started to feel really lonely not only today but a lot in the past few weeks, it feels like I have no one I can really turn to. Especially from leaving school.
Hopefully this blog will help me make new friends and people who can be there for me,who knows. If not I’ll have to wait till collage. I hope you all had a good day, hopefully I’ll sleep better than yesterday, stay strong guys!
My sleeping patten has always been pretty erratic. I’ve had trouble sleep since I can remember. The time in the UK when I started writing this was 02:50 in the morning, currently my brother is up with me surfing the internet or doing what ever he might be doing.
I know I need to sleep, I just can’t though. weather that be down to my sleeping pattern? Who knows. I’m tired But I know trying to sleep would be pointless and futile. I hate feeling like this so late as no one is up,not that I have meany people to talk to anyway.
Collage and my future has been playing on my mind as well. I had my introduction day at collage yesterday, and after I got a subway which was so good 😋but on the main note I realised the course wasn’t for me, so my mum is going to call up tomorrow and try to sort out changing my course to a business one.
I want to make people proud but I’m afraid I may not be able to, I try my best but I’m worried it’s not good enough, ugh. I was proper happy a few hours ago after starting this and now all these thoughts are comming back. Guess it wouldn’t be true to the blog if I didn’t post how I was feeling.