Something’s never change, that’s a fact. However much good I try to do for other people, however much I try to be there for people, however much I try to CARE for other people its always the same. In that I never even get the tiniest gratitude for my efforts in all that I do. But you know what’s hit me the hardest? when im in a shitty mood and nobody even wants to give me the time of day. That’s not my problem. It’s when those people who said they will be there for you are those people who aren’t living up to the mark. I get that they have they have their own lives and potentially their own problems, but don’t say something you can’t stick to. These are the people who at a moment’s notice ill jump at the opportunity to help anyone, regardless how dire my own situation is. It would be easy to just become like everyone else, no disregard for anyone but myself, but that’s not me and it never will be. Because in helping others, I self contentiously help myself. I suppose that is my reward, its not a lot in a sense of helping me in my time of need, but it helps me to be there person I am now and am becoming. Maybe one day people will appreciate me for what I do and give as much as they take, maybe.
I think I may have decided on my name for my blog! It’s pretty simplistic but I feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner! BIPOLAR BLOGGER. It’s perfect. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that sooner! That’s made me really happy even though it shouldn’t have really. It’s the simple things.
It’s as soon as people see how bad we have become from fighting these losing battles they want to know you, by then you’ve already learned to be your own cheering crowd. What I mean by a “losing battle” is in a sense of a metaphor, in a sense of how ever better we manger to convince ourself we are becoming, that foreboding, looming fear that it will go back to how it was remains, and that’s a factor anyone who suffers similarly to me will understand. And it’s always the same. I won’t sugar coat it for anyone, what would be the point. It would only lead to disappointment when finding out the harsh reality.
You know, I want to make a change in the world. I’m sure it can’t be done overnight, but I want to make sure nobody has to go through such pain, lonesome or suffering as me or anybody. I don’t know what that change is yet, or how I’ll make that change but I’ll make it, even in death should it come to it, I’ll just have to find someone to inherit it too.
weather that be my son or daughter, they will find that change and make the world okay again, or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. maybe it’s not a change in the world we need, but a change in who we all are as a person, as a race. There is a change out there which needs to be made and I’ll be the one to find it, that’s Just a dream anyway.
For now I’m forced to live out the days of a man learning to live in almost lonesome. if you could even call me a man,that is. that’s an insult to the very word man isn’t it? Referring so many people to someone like me?
“Just a toad in an ocean of frogs who knows nothing about the outside world“
I always use to say: “if you have a dream, don’t wait! Act!” But how can you act upon something you know nothing about? All these answers and more I hope to find one day. But that’s just a dream, like I said for now I’m forced to live out something which I’m not at all content with.
But it’s a way of life I’m forced to become accompanied to should I want to stay positive. I don’t even know what I’m truly on about, it’s just meaningless babbling, trying to hide the fact that all I really, truly want is to be accepted and to have people who care for me. Like naruto did, funny how you can relate to someone fictional on such a high level.