My current mental state

I suppose it’s time to address the elephant in the room, well: I’m please to inform that it’s been very positive for the most part (minus these last few days due to circumstances) but everything leading up to this has been positive.

I’ll cut you the “new year new me” cliché but genuinely this year I have promised myself I will be as positive and optimistic as I can. And that I won’t let anything hold me back from what I want to do. Before I would always hold my self back with fear of failure or rejection depending on the circumstances.

But I decided I can’t keep living in fear, and that the only person holding me back is me. Of course I still have off days, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But I’m in such a better place than I was a year ago, mentally and in life. I owe people who are responsible quite literally my life. This’ll never go away though, this is me. But that’s okay. I’ve learned to come to accept who I am and my circumstances instead of asking why me.

I have a long way to go yet until enlightenment, but I’m well on my way. I always feel myself going back to old ways, but then I remember why I’m on this journey. Way too many people have put their faith in me for me to let them down.


Life happened

Well, I’ve come back to my safe haven again. I always find myself back here when stuck in a down phase, would a what’s new but I’d probably break WordPress if I did. Just know a lot has gone down.

Done a few things I’m definitely not proud of, still with (ish) my girlfriend, got a sick job currently, had a horrible job before that. And yeah that’s pretty much it.

It’s weird being back, I’ve missed it. Being able to right for as long as I want and whatever I want. I’m glad to confirm I’m 100% dedicating to this. It’ll help me and I can give back to others.

I hope you have all been doing well, it’ll be good to see some new and old faces! Big things to come, thanks for sticking around!

Long time no blog

It’s been way too long, way too long. In truth I’ve been meaning to write this post or even a post in the longest time. I’m back now though, and as ever better than before. Originally I was gone for a solid three weeks due to my phone breaking and there being nothing going on in my life, man how stuff changes!

The biggest change in life has been the amount of interviews I’ve been getting. Now I have never been an achiever in school but I’ve always tried and gave my all. Determination is better than any piece of paper with grades. What you have mentally is stronger than what you have thunder mentally. Only you can win this fight only you can do what you have to do.

“Anyway I have my own responsibilitie now, I can not fail!”

So yeah a lot has changed, but what’s new for you guys? Will read my missed followed blogs, I look forward to speaking to you all again! And once again I’m back!

My story~Bi polar

Before I even go anywhere with this, *TRIGGER WARNING*with that, reader discretion advised, you have been warned.

So to start, I just want to say. I can now say with more certainty than I did at the time. This could honestly be so long, but I wanted to get my story out. I’m sure it is like a number of your story’s, I would love to hear them! But here it go’s.

It all started last year, march 4th to be exact. That was the date we got together, me and my ex. I had been talking to this girl after she had moved for a good three months, but on that day we got together.

Everything was going well, I was happy. At this point I had no idea I was living with bi polar. We would argue every known and again, you know, like everycouple does. But after a while it just got so occurring. I thought she wouldn’t leave me, until: she had enough.

I was okay for the first few weeks, then, I found myself more and and more down, seemingly day by day. About midway through September I stopped going to school for like a month. I couldn’t handle it. It was towards the end of September of which I self harmed. I was shaving at the time, I’m not really sure what made me do it, but it didn’t hurt at all? Only people who have done it will understand how it feels.

It was at this point I knew I needed help. The next day I attended an emergency counciling meeting. At this point, suicide seemed like a perfect option. Not much happend between that and the next event apart from counciling.

October 20th 2015

I forgot to say that after the start of my counciling I started to attend school again, 

October 21st 2015 (day before my birthday)

They released me on this day, nothing happend on this day.

Present ~

Currently, the date of me writing this: I’m a mixture of happy and down some times, hell, I guess I just summed up bi polar.

I just wanted to finish by saying, it honestly does get better! I can promise you that! Stay strong! I also want to thank you, the reader. For having the patience to read all of that! I would love to here your story weather it be in the comments or on your profile! That really is it for today, I’ll post again tomorrow, till then, stay strong!