My current mental state

I suppose it’s time to address the elephant in the room, well: I’m please to inform that it’s been very positive for the most part (minus these last few days due to circumstances) but everything leading up to this has been positive.

I’ll cut you the “new year new me” cliché but genuinely this year I have promised myself I will be as positive and optimistic as I can. And that I won’t let anything hold me back from what I want to do. Before I would always hold my self back with fear of failure or rejection depending on the circumstances.

But I decided I can’t keep living in fear, and that the only person holding me back is me. Of course I still have off days, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But I’m in such a better place than I was a year ago, mentally and in life. I owe people who are responsible quite literally my life. This’ll never go away though, this is me. But that’s okay. I’ve learned to come to accept who I am and my circumstances instead of asking why me.

I have a long way to go yet until enlightenment, but I’m well on my way. I always feel myself going back to old ways, but then I remember why I’m on this journey. Way too many people have put their faith in me for me to let them down.

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IVE HAD A BREAKTHROUGH

I think I may have decided on my name for my blog! It’s pretty simplistic but I feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner! BIPOLAR BLOGGER. It’s perfect. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that sooner! That’s made me really happy even though it shouldn’t have really. It’s the simple things.

Fighting a losing battle

It’s as soon as people see how bad we have become from fighting these losing battles they want to know you, by then you’ve already learned to be your own cheering crowd. What I mean by a “losing battle” is in a sense of a metaphor, in a sense of how ever better we manger to convince ourself we are becoming, that foreboding, looming fear that it will go back to how it was remains, and that’s a factor anyone who suffers similarly to me will understand. And it’s always the same. I won’t sugar coat it for anyone, what would be the point. It would only lead to disappointment when finding out the harsh reality.