Something’s never change, that’s a fact. However much good I try to do for other people, however much I try to be there for people, however much I try to CARE for other people its always the same. In that I never even get the tiniest gratitude for my efforts in all that I do. But you know what’s hit me the hardest? when im in a shitty mood and nobody even wants to give me the time of day. That’s not my problem. It’s when those people who said they will be there for you are those people who aren’t living up to the mark. I get that they have they have their own lives and potentially their own problems, but don’t say something you can’t stick to. These are the people who at a moment’s notice ill jump at the opportunity to help anyone, regardless how dire my own situation is. It would be easy to just become like everyone else, no disregard for anyone but myself, but that’s not me and it never will be. Because in helping others, I self contentiously help myself. I suppose that is my reward, its not a lot in a sense of helping me in my time of need, but it helps me to be there person I am now and am becoming. Maybe one day people will appreciate me for what I do and give as much as they take, maybe.
Okay so I’ve been talking about “what Naruto has taught me” a lot recently and I realised: I never really back it up with evidence: so here we go😊Also this is kind of irrelevant but through account surfing I saw in a lot of bio’s how long people have/had been clean and I thought I’d share mine. I’ve been clean for a massive year and a quarter! It will be two years this September 😊to say I’m proud of my selfs an understatement, but you should be proud too! Weather it’s an hour, day, month or year! It’s all time you’ve managed to resist temptation and a victory worth celebrating.
It’s as soon as people see how bad we have become from fighting these losing battles they want to know you, by then you’ve already learned to be your own cheering crowd. What I mean by a “losing battle” is in a sense of a metaphor, in a sense of how ever better we manger to convince ourself we are becoming, that foreboding, looming fear that it will go back to how it was remains, and that’s a factor anyone who suffers similarly to me will understand. And it’s always the same. I won’t sugar coat it for anyone, what would be the point. It would only lead to disappointment when finding out the harsh reality.
“A place to call home”, a very vague figure of speech. It probably has different meanings for different people. But for me: it means a place where you feel truly safe and cared for. I don’t just mean in a sense of “home invasion”.
For example, when I’m at my girlfriends, all my worries just go away. Her company plus her stupid dog whom I love to pieces make everything seem okay for a while. Then I have to go back to reality. It’s 03:36 upon writing this, I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while now actually. I suppose her house is a “home away from home”, I’ll finish with this quote from Jirya, enjoy
I don’t know why but I’ve just started feeling down. No one is up to talk to, the few to none people I have left. Fuck.
I’ve been having a really positive few days recently, I’ve been going out a lot and getting stuff I wanted too, I spoke to my doctor and he suggested to try to focus on and getting stuff done I need to, and he was right it’s helped, I’ve managed to get my ID photo taken and a few other bits and keeping doing stuff keeps me motivated, I know it sounds like a given but keeping moving and doing stuff helps me a lot.