Unexpected outbirst

So this story happened on Saturday going into Sunday, I’ll skip the minor details. For a little while now I’ve thought about self harming again, I haven’t said anything in my blog because I didn’t want to worry anyone. But I just snapped on Saturday, I didn’t self harm before anyone asks but I was very close.

I went away to my girlfriends the day after, I had to get away from everything. I missed a lot of details because they are irreverent but I’m getting help tomorrow, I missed a lot of details because I don’t want to remember them. 

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I’m fairly good at making excuses

Now I’m not condoning making excuses and not doing that “thing” you was supposed to be doing. But If you hate what it is your supposed to be doing? Well that’s where my good creativity comes in. I have missed atleast 10 ish days of college, and on all ten of those days I have came up with different excuses, some admiditedly worse than others but neither the less I did.

I even do it when I am late (which for college I am a lot). My tutors say to me “when your in work you can’t do this”. Well I wouldn’t want to be late because unlike college I wouldn’t want to be late and I’d actually enjoy it. Moral of the story? It’s okay to make excuses for stuff as long as they make sense and it’s not something you want to do.

Complete overhaul, massive redesign!

Okay so I as the more observant of my followers will notice that I have had a MASSIVE change in design and I couldn’t be more happier! It’s currently 02:33 in the morning upon writing this and it makes me so happy as it looks so stylish along with the menu and all! also if you haven’t already please follow me on twitter and Instagram as I’m trying to grow my blog! thanks in advance.

New social media – expanding my blog

Today I have made a Instagram and twitter account. If you have either of these please do follow me! I will follow you all back😊I’m hoping to grow my blog this way and connect to people on a more personal level and maybe I’ll post pictures of my self eventually?😅

My social medias are as follows:

Instagram:currentlynot_sure Twitter:currentlyunsure

Temporary Friends

In the past year or two I’ve learned a lot, some by choice, some not. But one of the things which hit home the hardest is for sure friends. Now trust me when I say nothing is forever, especially with friends. It’s extremely hard to come across a “true friend” nower days. And don’t even get me started on those people who say ” they’ll always be there for you”, you know the ones. That can be a different post altogether.

In fact: the people of whom I speak of in this post are the same people I shared that unforgettable night with about five months back. It saddens me to remember those times, I thought they wasn’t going anywhere, oh how I was so wrong. 

Time don’t mean anything in a friendship, someone could come into your life tomorrow and have better intentions than someone you’ve known for years

It’s done a lot to me not being friends with them anymore, more bad than good. I’ve become a lot more sceptical of when someone says they want to be friends or when people start getting close to me. I start to question if their intentions are sensire or not. But I have new people, people to fill those voids now.

If there is anything to take away from this, it’s that you should try to be less dependent on friends. That way you save yourself the disappointment from when they inedibly leave you and give up on you, or maybe that was just my experience.

I want to get back into this, ive missed everyone.

I have been gone for quite some time now, but I don’t want anyone to worry. In fact: this is the happiest ive been in the longest time. I have wanted to start this back up for the longest time. But I think I am back for good, if I am welcome back and all, hahah. Anyway I digress, I guess I should start by saying where ive been and what ive been up to, well: I am still in my relationship, seven months this month. Time truly does go by when your having fun, I haven’t had too many off days luckily, but every time I would, she’d pick me up again. I truly am blessed to have her.

I also have a job now! Nothing amazing but it pays half decently, to whomever is interested its at dominoes. It’s nothing glamorous, just preparing pizza and other foods. But, I think I may have found what I want to do in life from it, I think I want to do customer service. I love picking up the phone and taking orders or talking to them when the come in. I have always been good at and enjoyed talking to people, ive been praised by 2/3 of my mangers for my customer service skills, I guess im doing something right.

Unfortunately ive hated college still, yeah I bet you knew it was all going too well, I have also been experiencing a lot of loneliness still, its horrible in truth. I have few friends these days but the one I do, I hold dear and I appreciate them. I wish people who I use to be close with was still there, but they gave up on me.

Anyway I think that’ll be all for tonight and this post, ill be sure to post a lot more from now on, I remember how good it made me feel knowing I could come here and talk about all my problems. I hope you missed me as much as I, but I ask of one favourite from any of you. I would love to get to know some if not all of you personally. Then we can all support each other. I will write a “what ……… has taught me” post soon, till then: I am glad to be back.

Struggling to find motivation

Motivation can be hard to find. It’s easy to say “find it in something you love” but in truth I struggle to find what it is of which I love (not including family and my girlfriend). I have been hit with a fair bit of coursework recently, I want to do it and do well but recently I really really have been lacking motivation.

My girlfriend, bless her, is always trying her best to help me and cheer me up but there is only so much she can do. I know I need to do it but I just don’t have the effort or motivation.

And even when I do seem to find any: it’s only momentarily. This means I either rush whatever it is I’m doing whilst I’m motivated and happy or just say I’m going to do it then put it off.

Do any of you guys have any solutions to this or can relate? If so comment down below. I know I need to keep posting more but I really don’t do a whole lot to be honest.

My change in the world

You know, I want to make a change in the world. I’m sure it can’t be done overnight, but I want to make sure nobody has to go through such pain, lonesome or suffering as me or anybody. I don’t know what that change is yet, or how I’ll make that change but I’ll make it, even in death should it come to it, I’ll just have to find someone to inherit it too.

weather that be my son or daughter, they will find that change and make the world okay again, or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. maybe it’s not a change in the world we need, but a change in who we all are as a person, as a race. There is a change out there which needs to be made and I’ll be the one to find it, that’s Just a dream anyway.

 For now I’m forced to live out the days of a man learning to live in almost lonesome. if you could even call me a man,that is. that’s an insult to the very word man isn’t it? Referring so many people to someone like me? 

“Just a toad in an ocean of frogs who knows nothing about the outside world

 I always use to say: “if you have a dream, don’t wait! Act!” But how can you act upon something you know nothing about? All these answers and more I hope to find one day. But that’s just a dream, like I said for now I’m forced to live out something which I’m not at all content with. 

But it’s a way of life I’m forced to become accompanied to should I want to stay positive. I don’t even know what I’m truly on about, it’s just meaningless babbling, trying to hide the fact that all I really, truly want is to be accepted and to have people who care for me. Like naruto did, funny how you can relate to someone fictional on such a high level. 

Thank you

So I woke up today with a huge amount of notifications(for me anyway). Thank you to everyone who liked, and welcome to new people! I hope you enjoy your time here and join me on this journey!

I’ve had an idea id something fun I could do on here for October. I’ve never really been a fan of Halloween but ive always loved creepy pastas. For those who don’t know, creepy pastas are short or long horror stories. They are designed to have a good twist at the end. Although we are nine days into October I figured I’d start to post one Dailey. They will range in length. If this is something which interests you, please comment on it or this post and possibly suggest one.

To finish off, I’ve considered doing creepy pasta readings on YouTube for a fairly long time. I’ll decide on this at the end of the month but I also want you guys to decide.